Note: This post is categorized in "EMDR & Recovery" because it was written during the EMDR process.  It is also categorized in "Escape Route" because it involves weird perceptions of God.

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This post is about what happens when a Christian fundamentalist upbringing is infused into a hypersensitive brain.  Below are the four anthropomorphic versions of God I understood growing up, followed by my current conception at age 35 in another post.

1. I’m Your Real Dad

This is a picture of how God was portrayed when I was in Sunday school as a 3-year-old.  He’s the creepy “I-Love-Little-Children-And-Lambs-Come-Sit-On-My-Lap” guy who made Christmas presents possible.  The church explained how this strange man was "my REAL dad,” with whom I’d have the privilege of spending the rest of eternity (because what preschooler wouldn’t want to be trapped on a conceptual island called ‘heaven’ with a pedophiliac stranger?).

 2. Vengeance is Mine

This is what God was like when I was six...a bit more mature than my previous 3-year-old-self, it was time for Sunday School teachers to introduce the “I-Starved-My-Own-People-And-Killed-Everything-On-The-Planet-Because-I-Got-Jealous” aspects of God.

3. Guilt Trip Jesus

Meet “But-I-Died-For-You-Why-Don’t-You-Love-Me” Jesus.  Discovered in junior-high, he's the most codependent of the group.  Making Christianity “cool” via youth group bands and WWJD hipsters, this emo version of God reminds you how much he hurts when you don't pay attention to him.  The most effective way to show your gratitude for his obvious sacrifices (since dying for you was such a chore) is to convert as many of your classmates as possible.

 4. Borderline Trinity

This is the borderline “I-Hate-You-Don’t-Leave-Me” God, who made his appearance in my late teens and early twenties.   Driven by the insecure thought of losing one of his beloved children to the false idols of secular society, he keeps you on the hook by testing your loyalty.  He won’t actually "tell" you what he wants, but he punishes you if you guess wrong.  After all, your suffering is used for his glory - when you hate yourself, there's more room in your heart for you to love him.