Sometimes, when I feel like a black cloud of disgust, I trick myself into dressing like an adult instead of hiding in oversized sweatshirts and pants from Walmart by asking: What would someone with an overgrown self-esteem do?  This forces me to blow dry my hair, put on mascara, and floss.  Surprisingly, when I don’t dress like person experiencing homelessness, I tend to feel a little more “sparkly.”  And who doesn’t need a little more glitter in their life?

If life has taught me anything, it’s that (1) the brain lies and (2) we’re all responsible for our sparkliness. 

When it comes to sparkling (popularly known as "act-as-if" or "fake-it-till-you-make-it"), here are my absolute minimums:

• Selectively lie to people every morning.
  • Lie to the barista at your local coffee house when they ask you how your morning is going.  Instead of divulging the truth of your self-absorbed negativity, offer a smiley hello and rattle off something you like about living on planet earth (i.e.: "the birds are nice," or " I'm excited for my green tea this morning," or "I don't have a vaginal infection.").  This prevents any opportunity for needless complaining or talk of suicide.  
  • After declaring circumstances are great (which they always are, since mental illness lives in the brain, and can taint everything with a hint of self-pity even if you've just won the lottery...and purchased a private island...and married the most desirable man imaginable who is only slightly less interested in you than you are in him because this makes for better sex), ask the barista how s/he is doing.  This veined interest in other humans has a nice placebo affect - it contributes to real-life relationships and brainwashes you into realizing things aren't as bad as the "morning cloud of darkness" makes them out to be.  
  • Lastly, over-tip.  Over-tip even if the service was absolute shit.  Over-tip to disprove the obsessive fear in your head about a possible WWIII wiping out your entire bank account overnight.
• Hike 3-miles (or do something you hate for 30 minutes, but which is also good for you, such as yoga, jogging, swimming laps, etc.).
  • When exercising daily, at least you can say you "did" something that involves getting out of bed...unlike scrolling through videos on Facebook featuring animal rescue sob stories.  Plus, the endorphins are a nice "freebie," if you know what I mean (*wink).
• Wear reasonably appropriate clothes for 3 hours per day.
  • Put on jeans, even if you're going to do nothing.  Just put them on and say to yourself, "I dressed like someone who believes she belongs in the world and is equal to most other human beings."  Then, when you end up going to Costco unexpectedly, you won't be in your "cellulite-enhancing" spandex and cloaked in a bathrobe for warmth.
• Read something positive.
  • Read something life-enhancing, even if it's only one paragraph.  If you're so depressed that the words don't make any sense, call someone and read it to them and ask them what it means to them.  And if you didn't feel worse afterwards, do it again - read another paragraph.  My favorites include: any 12-Step literature (if you identify as an addictive personality), The Tao of Pooh, Don Miguel Ruiz, Ekhart Tolle, Alan Watts, and Emmet Fox.  If my thyroid medicine has kicked in, I enjoy the good shit, like the Tao Te Ching and the Bhagavad Gita.

In summary, cover yourselves in sparkle.  Pretend yourself into becoming.  And together we can turn the world into glittery goodness.  Amen.