I don’t think I can do the AA culture anymore. I’m not talking about the 12-Step program; I’m talking about the AA Fundies (fundies, short for fundamentalists). It has something to do
You know Emmet Fox? You know how he wrote Sermon on the Mount? Basically, he interpreted bible scripture as metaphor for all sorts of lessons about our thinking. Lots of Christian mystics did this in earlier centuries. Fox focuses on the power of repetitive thought, the purity of our intentions, and the natural consequences of harboring negative emotions. I dig the Fox. You know why? Because he took an amazing historical document and said to himself: taken literally, this is a bit too bogus and a bit too limiting. But I can make it make sense because I’m a badass. There’s some truth in here, the authors were on to something, and I’m gonna not gonna throw out the baby with the bath water.
Whether or not Fox’s interpretation of the New Testament is totally irreverent. What matters is his ability to say, “Nah, I think it means THIS instead. So there. Now watch me fine with my damn self and market this thing like a capitalist.” Fox is the reason I can “technically” call myself Christian-ish if I need to appease my husband in certain republicany social circles. I proudly “water down the message” so I can reap the benefits of Christmas and peaceful family gatherings. When I was an evangelical, I hated people like me.
Well, I guess I’ve come to a place in my life where I’m gonna start pulling Foxes with AA. Yup, that’s a thing now - pulling foxes - because I decided so right now. Pulling a Fox means blurring the intended meaning of a book by changing the words to fit your needs so you don’t have to tell your friends you’re abandoning their faith. Yup, definitely doing that with AA. Fox puller right here, baby, that’s me.
So, here's how I see foxify the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:
Step 1: Stop lying to yourself and accept reality as it actually is; you can't stop doing something you say you wanna stop doing, and this fucks up your life on accident. If you aren't convinced you're as miserable as everyone says you are, then make a list of all the things that you don't like about yourself, your life, or the person you're sleeping with.
Step 2: Have hope that progress is possible. If you don't have hope, then just pretend until you're in a better mood. Everyone else has it for you, and there's no way you have the only brain in the world that can't benefit from some cognitive behavioral therapy (which is science talk for doing these steps).
Step 3: Trust that, if you stop trying to control shit, bad things will probably happen less. Instead of trying to manage the entire universe, judging everyone else's business, and control people's feelings, realize how not being in control drives you crazy because you're addicted to it...you crazy dictator, you. If you happen to believe that Nature or Science or The Life Force a religous diety is running the planet, that's good, too. Whatever gets you to let go and chill the fuck out.
Step 4: Write out all your deepest, darkest secrets on a piece of paper. Write down all the things you wish had never happened to you when you were little. Then, write down everything you hate about the people close to you (or not close to you). If you have a bad feeling about any institutions - like the Mormon church or the Democrat Party or Scientology or Amway or that one company you worked for that never appreciated how special you are - write those down, too. And write down all the things you hope will never happen but secretly fear might happen. Oh, and lastly, write down everything you don't like about yourself. PS: Use organized columns so you can find some patterns (like low self-esteem, an insatiable need for validation, self-imposed loneliness, and the ways you lie without "lying"). You can use this link --> (link coming soon)
Step 4.5: If you left something out, go write it down.
Step 5: Tell someone absolutely everything you wrote down. Make sure they're not a meanie and - more importantly - make sure they have no agenda for your life. Don't tell you spouse or your mom or your kid. That would be totally inappropriate and fuck things up more. No one cares how enmeshed you are - this is not the time to spill the beans. A therapist is a good person if you don't know a single person on the planet you can trust.
Step 6: Take a look at all the ways you benefit from your negative behavior. No really, there are perceived benefits to stretching the truth and gossiping and drowning in your own self-pity. There are emotional or mental benefits, or else you wouldn't be doing it anymore.
Step 7: Make a commitment to do your best to change your thoughts and actions for the better now that you can see them clearly. And if you believe in a divine diety or Spirit Animal, ask it for help if you'd like. Also, let everything go and stop shaming yourself - shame never helped anyone with anything. In fact, it's probably the reason you got started in the first place.
Step 8: Find out who you need to apologize to...this includes telling the truth to people you lied about. Put a star by their name. Don't leave anyone out to save your ego or pride or reputation. That's what got you here in the first place.
Step 9: Say your sorry and tell the truth to the people with stars by their name. If they're dead, send a letter or do something ritualistic to signify your apology.
Step 10: Make time to reflect on your thinking and correct it when it's all wrong on a daily basis...especially when you have that hurried/rushed/adrenaline sensation going on. For example, if you falsely believe that getting a raise will solve all your problems and complete your life, and if you start being an asshole to your coworkers while you work over-over-over time to compete for a promotion, this is an indication of messed-up thinking. Why do I "have to have" this raise so bad? What am I afraid of? What do I think it will mean about me if I don't get it? Is getting a promotion more important than my integrity? Can I like myself without it? Have a lied to anyone while trying to chase down the money and importance I seek? Can I let go of the results and trust my life will not be over if I don't manipulate this outcome? After you catch yourself, call someone and tell them what happened or what you realized.
Step 11: Meditate on good things and foster gratitude a few times per day. Train your brain to be calm and to pause when you're all riled up about something. If you need to repeat a mantra or prayer to retrain your brain, then do it. Fan the flame of happiness within you so your peace of mind (emotional stability) isn't contingent on things going exactly the way you want them to. This is 2017, people, there is more mindfulness shit out there than we know what to do with.
Step 12, Part 1: When you find other people that want to stop suffering, let them know this 12-Step process helped you when you felt the same way. If they don't want help (or they don't want your help), then leave them alone and don't push them into changing like a televangelist. Come on, dude - be normal. If they do want your help or advice, then show them this process. But don't be bossy or try to make them your slave. And don't try to convert them or tell them how experienced you are for fucking up your life just a few years before they fucked up theirs. When they call you freaking out about their boss or their girlfriend's phone or suffering from a mental feedback loop of self-hate, just be a person who says, "you're Ok and things will work out and you did the right thing be calling someone and I'm glad you're experiencing this because it means your not dead." And ask probing questions if they want you to.
Step 12, Part 2: Be nice to people and develop a humble perspective; look at things from the perspective of being one contributing member of society instead of the center of universe. The boogeyman doesn't exist, so enjoy the freedom of being a temporary fleck of sand in this grand ocean of timeless life.